Concerning The...

I am moving my blog

2009-06-13T23:57:00.001-04:00

www.concerningthe.wordpress.com

You will be able to follow my escapades through that site!

Thanks,

Britt Farbo

Some Disassembly Required

2009-06-11T23:11:00.003-04:00

I am going on a trip. I know that I have been talking, planning, and scheming about it for many months. 'I am going to Norway'...'Jei vil reise til norge'...Has been my mantra for months. Now the time is almost here only 14 more days, one fortnight, two weeks till I leave. I have a few things I still need to do, figure out how to get to New Jersey, say some final good-byes, sell some more things, decide to leave the handball and get a new one when I get there. These are gladly the most pressing issues in my life right now.

I have been slowly disassembling my life whether consciously or unconsciously for the past year. Having things fall away. My partner of four years left, I had to move out of my apartment of three years, sold my car of two, and left my job of one. It is a strange thing to disassemble your life piece by piece, year by year. I have to give major kudos to people who peel back the layers of decades. I am looking forward. I am going on a trip.

All the Hemispheres

Hafiz

Leave the familiar for a while.

Let your senses and bodies stretch out.

Like a welcomed season

Onto the meadows and shores and hills.

Open up to the Roof.

Make a new water-mark on your excitement

And love.

Like a blooming night flower,

Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness

And giving

Upon our intimate assembly.

Change rooms in your mind for a day.

All the hemispheres in existence

Lie beside an equator

In your heart.

Greet Yourself

In your thousand other forms

As you mount the hidden tide and travel

Back home.

All the hemispheres in heaven

Are sitting around a fire

Chatting

While stitching themselves together

Into the Great Circle inside of

You.

It Makes No Difference

2009-06-08T21:55:00.007-04:00

I was at the Tune Inn today my favorite dive bar in the world...I put on the jukebox the usual...Some Willie, Waylon, a little Steve, but today something persuaded me to just throw on The Band. I don't know what compelled me to play "It Makes No Difference" . I had not played that song since I had lived in the pool hall, and quite frankly it is a really kind of sad song. The one thing that is funny about bars is you can tell when people are listening, the place hums just a little quieter. People stop their conversations for a few breaths Sitting at the bar flanked by a member of congress and old friend, a new friend who is an old union man, and a few Vietnam Vets. Sipping a Natty Boh, eating okra and and catching the aftertaste of Marlboro 100's coming from the patio. I saw something magical. A group of people heaving a collective sigh, stopping, doing a u-turn and going back for just a split second. To what I am not sure, really it is not my place to pry or press. I can only say my memory went to people, places and loves.

Family Planning

2009-06-05T11:04:00.000-04:00

As many of you who read this blog know...Well the two of you who regularly read this blog know...I have not always had the gotten along with my family. It is not that I don't love them, care for them or even worry about them. It is really that I don't like them very much. It is like I guess the Americans and the French. We are both in NATO, have shared interest abroad, we periodically fight wars together, trade goods, and intelligence. But, in reality we would rather just not have to deal with each other on a day to day basis. I guess it comes down to style.

I was home for the first time in four years a few weeks ago. I bit my tongue the entire time. I should not have. In not speaking up I did not only a disservice to everything that I stand for, I did a disservice to my family. Even though my family has know I was a BIG Ol' HOMO since I was fourteen...I spent nearly the entire trip and most of the past decade in sort of a mental 1984 in regards to them. Weighing my words, cutting out large portions of my life, not speaking about my friends because they are gay. I have never had a real conversation about my ex-partner, my friends, or my activism with my family. I have never felt like I was good enough for them. I have always felt like I am an embarrassment to them.

I will be twenty-five in less than a month and it has taken me twenty-two years to come to the conclusion that I will probably never get what I need out of my family. That every action that I choose to take in my life will be seen as some sort of act of subversion. I have also learned that I have to love the family, but this does not mean I must walk lock step with them. That I do not have to feel guilty for challenging them on their prejudices. That I must live my life with radical and uncompromising fervor in the world especially with my family.

I want to have my own family in the near future. I want children, a wife, a mortgage, my own small business. I want everything that is assumed my younger siblings will have at about my age. But, in order to do this I must start being honest and more open with the family that I was raised in. I have to break my own self imposed censorship. I can not fear them anymore. I can not think about starting a family of my own until I can manage the fear of the one that I have.

BF

2009-05-11T20:18:00.003-04:00

I head home to Arizona a week from tomorrow. First time in a very long time three and a half years to be exact. I have my reasons for not going back sooner, some of it is life going on, some of it is money, and the big part of it is because... Well I have been afraid to. I am not sure what I am most afraid of, is it that home has not changed at all or that I have changed too much, or the reverse of that.

I miss the Southwest everyday. I am not sure why I miss the west, I guess it is a soul thing. Sometimes when I am in traffic I hear the familiar 'BOOM..BOOM...BOOM' followed by the wail of an accordion, coming from a neighboring car. I don't care how cold it is I will roll down my windows. Growing up it used to drive me nuts 'BOOM...BOOM..BOOM' all the time everywhere you went. The Ranchero men in their white wranglers, silk shirts, and snake skin cockroach killer boots. Whistling at you from the window of their trucks through their gold capped teeth, heads crowned with a cowboy hat that looked like a taco. To the fanfare of 'Boom...Boom...Boom'. What once was one of my biggest peeves is now a quaint reminder of home.

I also miss the smells and the feel of the air. Beans, lard heavy tortillas, dirt, horses, saddle soap, hay, and sweat. I have never run across that combination anywhere else but home. The wind blows nine million miles an hour, almost everyday. It is hot, dry and clear; sound and smell travel far. During onion season, the smell carries from the fields to the cotton gin about seven miles away. At night you can get the faint smell of alfalfa, cotton trash and mesquite. As the desert cools down the air hits this perfect temperature it is warm and soft; like a perfectly drawn bath that is made with still air.

The drop in temperature is the internal cue for any good desert rat to stop and look west. The sky is set a blaze like an O'Keeffe interpretation of Pollack. Aubergine, teal, crimson, shredded by blacks, grays, and white are strewn across the heavens. No rhyme or reason to the madness of colors, yet always as it should be. Chaotic and cosmically necessary, like god sweeping away the mandala of the day that has been created. The stars and moon start to rise as the air gets cooler, and in that moment you know that you are apart of everything, but are nothing in every breath you take.

I am still really scared to go home, but I guess I can not anticipate I can just be. Even if the people and places have changed, even if things get strained and old hurts are brought up at least I know I can get a good burrito and watch the sun go down.

10 Things I have learned this Spring

2009-05-06T08:59:00.003-04:00

10. One acquires a lot of useless crap after living in an apartment for almost three years.

9. Sometimes a little apathy is needed to get the most good done.

8. You can not always 'Fix' people...It is like nailing JELL-O to a hot wall.

7. No big change ever just sneaks up on you...It is a combination of many little changes.

8. Never trust a French Woman!

6. Taking a handball to the face is like getting a little glimpse of nirvana...It knocks all unnecessary thoughts out of your head...Plus once the sting subsides it feels pretty good.

5. Ikke spise gul sno!

4. I am going to need help getting my life either boxed or sold.

3. ABBA wrote some pretty awesome break up songs.

2. Never add your Grandmother as a friend on Facebook.

1. I AM GOING TO NORWAY!

Disconnection

2009-04-13T20:25:00.003-04:00

'I am sorry the number you have been trying to reach has been disconnected or is no longer in service.'

I leave for Norway in 53 days. Body is here...Brain is not!

Clarification of Post Below....

2009-03-25T23:36:00.002-04:00

It is a yearly ritual that I partake in. It does not mean that I am going to do any thing stupid...It just means that I am thinking about what is ahead of me. It is also so if something does happen god forbid, crap gets taken care of.

Sorry if I freaked anybody out.

Love,

Britt

In The Event of My Death...

2009-03-25T21:42:00.003-04:00

Okay I know the title of this blog is a bit shocking...But, I have been thinking a lot about death recently. Not in a morbid self-destructive kind of way but more in an all things manifest to an end, which is a beginning sort of way. I also am going overseas for the first time soon, and hopefully if I die over there it will be in the arms of a beautiful woman, after a great handball match, full of potatoes, pork chops, waffles, and good aquavit, chased with cold beer. So here it goes the last will and testament of Brittany Celeste Farbo of Kansas Settlement, Arizona age 24.

I want to be cremated, and a simple service from the BCP to be held at St. A's.
There will be a keg of Shiner Bock and Aquavit if the vestry allows it. I want the Immigrant Song by Led Zepplin, Thank You For The Music and Dancing Queen by ABBA, Wasn't Born to Follow by Dusty Springfield played. Dancing Queen should be played at the end. Immigrant Song played at the beginning. I want everybody to sing The Internationale. I also want people sent forth from the line from Blazing Saddles "Now, go do that Voodoo that you do so well."

I will be cremated wearing my Tonje Larsen Jersey, what ever jeans don't stink too bad, my duct taped roper boots, and my Maryland Cap. I don't plan on having anything of significant value, so what ever I have goes to the Vets. As for the issue of what to do once I am smoked.

Some of me goes to my friend Tasha Cooper. She will know what to do with them, a little zip around downtown Silver City and PJ Harvey, Sonic, and Wal-Mart at an obscene hour. Then she can flush me for all I care but since she is all artsy and what not she will find a good spot.

Some goes to my Fairy God-mother Kyra Kerr to hang out at St. Bede's. God love em'.

Some goes to my parents...even though I can't stand them they would need closure as well.

Some goes to my friend Ted Prezelski...Tonapah.

Some goes to my Comrades Renee and Patrick Ryan...Take me for a drink, a really faggy night and sing The Internationale.

Some will hang out in DC.

Finally what ever is left I want to stay in Norway. Where my name began and where it shall always remain.

No service will be held in Willcox. It has never been my home, no notice will be put in the paper.

After the service, I would like everybody to go to the Tune Inn and eat okra, drink beer and play the Jukebox.

I think that this is pretty cut and dry. Feel free to add but not take away. I also want Heather and Deb Mizuer to make sure that this is taken care of. They have the keg-erator therefor it defaults to them.

March 25, 2009

Brittany C. Farbo

Yes I am sane.
Totally Okay...

Fin...

2009-03-20T09:30:00.002-04:00

Catherine moves out tomorrow...

On to Scandinavia.

My Three ABBA's

2009-03-05T15:09:00.009-05:00

In happiness and sadness. In joy and in stupor... I turn to my three ABBA's

Abba #1: The tasty fish products, I have eaten nearly a whole tube of Salmon and Roe paste in the past 24 hours.

Abba#2:

Abba #3:

Well I don't really have a picture for that one....

Britt

A Psalm by Neil Young sung by Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt, and Dolly Parton

2009-03-04T10:40:00.002-05:00

After the Gold Rush

Well I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming
Saying something about a king
There were peasants singing and drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree
There was a fanfare blowing to the sun
That was floating on the breeze
Look at mother nature on the run
In the twenty-first century
Look at mother nature on the run
In the twenty-first century

I was lying in a burned out basement
With the full moon in my eyes
I was hoping for replacement
When the sun burst through the sky

There was a band playing in my head
And I felt like I could cry
I was thinking about what a friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie
Thinking about what a friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie

Well I dreamed I saw the silver spaceships flyin'
In the yellow haze of the sun
There was laughing, crying and colors flying
All around the chosen one

All in a dream, all in a dream, the loading had begun
Flying mother nature's silver seed to a new home in the sun
They were flying mother nature's silver seed to a new home

The Gospel According to...Mr. Rogers

2009-02-28T17:50:00.004-05:00

"At the center of the universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job.
Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds.
Life is for service."
Mr. Fred McFeely Rogers

The Gospel According to Joni

2009-02-25T22:57:00.004-05:00

My love of Joni Mitchell goes back to my days when I spent most of my time hanging out in a pool hall in Silver City, New Mexico run by a guy named Jim who went AWOL during Viet Nam and his wife Christine from Canada. I just remember sitting on the stools day after day with Christine and listening to Joni Mitchell on vinyl, just feeling really shitty, scared and eighteen. We would just sit and listen to this voice in deep meditation, trying to understand what the fates put into the music

I guess all of us who hung out at the pool hall were all searching for something, a family, acceptance, answers, or really just a place to be. This pool hall in the middle of the Mimbres Mountains was a hermitage for us who had nowhere else. We shot pool, ate peanut butter sandwiches, and drank Dr. Pepper out of glass bottles. We cried, fought, fell in love, said goodbye, had one night stands we regretted and watched as friends went off to fight Dubbyas stupid war. We got stoned on really good sticky weed, and on Sonic at two in the morning. While all of the trappings of our new found adulthood, were being narrated, punctuated, and explained by these Joni Mitchell albums on an old one speaker record player, that was picked out of a school dumpster.

The pool hall lasted as long as I did at my first attempt at college. It closed about two weeks after I moved to Santa Fe, I cried harder when I had to leave that place than I did when I left home. I did not know how I was going to get by without this place. Even now more than a half a decade later, just thinking about it still makes me want to cry. I have lost touch with the people who ran the hall, the boys that taught me how to roll a joint, the Vietnam vet who cried when I joined the Army, and the WWII vet who bought me a coke when I did.

But, what I have not lost touch with is the meditations that Joni placed in my heart about myself, about God, and the other big things. So to end this blog posting, I would like to leave you with a list of Joni Mitchell songs to find whatever it is you are supposed to find in them.

The Gospel According to Joni

Britt

4+150 Give or Take...

2009-02-25T22:21:00.005-05:00

I have this crazy notion that the gospel and the psalms should not be confined to leather binding and rice paper. So, I have decided to add to the the four gospels and the I think 150 psalms. I think that everybody has their own version of truth, joy, thanksgiving, and sorrow. So as a part of my Lenten discipline I am going to try to post a found psalm or gospel on here as often as possible.

Britt

F@#K This!

2009-02-01T20:25:00.002-05:00

To add to this wonderful lesson:

I am fed the fuck up with this fucking shit, I just want to get the fuck out of this stupid fucked up country.

What I do when I can not do anything....

2009-01-14T11:31:00.002-05:00

ABBA in Swedish as it should be!

I go to my happy place.

Britt

Prop 8-The Musical

2008-12-03T21:09:00.000-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Holy Shit this is great

Special Comment....

2008-11-11T08:30:00.000-05:00

Intolerable

2008-10-06T17:58:00.004-04:00

I have had this song called 'Crown of Creation' by Jefferson Airplane in my head for several weeks now. I remember the first time that I heard Jefferson Airplane I was about 11 or 12. It was the same summer between my sixth and seventh grade years, that was the same I started to discover that I may be just a little different from my peers, and it was the time that my peers noticed that I was a little bit different as well.

This differentness did not make my middle or high school years easy, it did not make the first few years on my own easy. It did not make the relationships with my childhood friends easy. It has been a point of contention with my family. It has made me want to crawl under my bed and never come out, it has made me contemplate running my car into traffic. It has made me run from God and, it has made me stop in my tracks.

I was a freshman in high school the year that Matthew Shepard was murdered. I remeber just how scared I was. From that point I learned to start living in half-truths, I never let myself be to avalible to people, I knew where my family stood and everytime I heard the word "Fag" my heart went into my skull. I hurt especially bad when one of my family members would say it even if was not directed at me. I learned to look over my shoulder, behind my back, but one thing that I never learned was to be simply tolerated.

Human beings are not things you tolerate. Bad basic cable reality shows, and wrong orders at the Starbucks are things you tolerate. Bikini waxings and cold pizza are things you tough out. People and the way that they are...are not things that you tough out. I am tired like many other people in this world, I am tired of not being able to go forward in the direction of my choosing because it is an election year, or because if I am a good girl then maybe just maybe I might be tolerated.

I wrote this tirade today because well it has been not just a rough few days but, I just realized that today it has been 10 years since the Shepard Murder. I still feel like I have to watch my back. I try to live my full-truth now but I know that someday I may have to pay for it just like some of my friends all ready have, but in that grim reality there is hope, love and family made of the warmth of common truth. This common love that has been cast out of fear is the crown of my creation.

You are the Crown of Creation

You are the Crown of Creation
and you've got no place to go.

Soon you'll attain the stability you strive for
in the only way that it's granted
in a place among the fossils of our time.

In loyalty to their kind
they cannot tolerate our minds.
In loyalty to our kind
we cannot tolerate their obstruction.

Life is Change
How it differs from the rocks
I've seen their ways too often for my liking
New worlds to gain
My life is to survive
and be alive
for you.

Things I have learned this Summer...

2008-08-28T11:02:00.003-04:00

1. Always find and intermediary that will help you get between you and your crazy.
2. Never examine your eyebrows in the rear view mirror on a non payday week.
3. Frozen Bananas work better than Ice Cubes in a smoothie.
4. As hard as you may try strange cultural habits that you grew up with will inevitably rear their ugly head at the strangest time.
5. Norwegians have the best potluck sides, this is to make up for the short comings of the main course.
6. Beer with breakfast is not always the worst thing you can do. Oxycodone and Beer for breakfast is a whole other story.
7. You never really leave where you come from especially since the advent of MySpace and Facebook.
8. Daytime TV is evil. We wonder why the feminist movement happened, just watch a couple of hours of 'The View' and you will see why women want to go to work.
9. Listening to Bob Marley and the Wailers is like smoking good weed through your ears.
10. Olympic Handball is the greatest sport on the planet. I am not talking about that stupid shit with a rubber ball either. I am talking about giving some blood hand ball.

Last one I promise....

2008-08-23T15:55:00.001-04:00

My girls did it. I am totally proud.

Britt

I will be up at 3:45 AM...

2008-08-22T22:06:00.002-04:00

I have been getting up in the middle of the night for the past two weeks to watch this team go for it.

HEIA NORGE! HEIA HAMMERSENG! HEIA NYBERG!

Elsker henne håndball jenten!

2008-08-21T10:11:00.002-04:00

HEIA NORGE!
Skål og lykke til!

Holy Reflex

2008-08-14T14:25:00.008-04:00

Sometimes I have these dreams where the world cracks open like an egg, just splits wide open, one side pushes off from the other. Floating out violently and poetically into the vacuum of the dark space, people, objects, animals, soil, water, fire, all of the contents of the planet just moving away into the cold. Bobbing about like anthropological driftwood, easing out into unfathomable depth that is time.

All of the sudden everything that anybody has built, suffered through, or fought in the name of is gone. I like this dream. I love the egalitarian nature, I love how nobody can stop it, that it happens to every molecule. How the universe redeems and reclaims what God put into motion billions of years ago. How in the cosmic reality, our time as a civilization, as a world, as a people is just a quick blink of God's eye.

All of us on this earth are a holy reflex of the divine, each blink and each breath of God, is as important as the one just taken, and the one to come. God does not think about the next blink or the next breath. God is not thinking if the current breath is going to be equally unique than every other breath, or if the next movement of the eye will see the same thing. God knows that every movement, every breath, every moment will be a blessing, each as achingly beautiful as the one just experienced. God has held still, watched and breathed out of love. Only asking us to the same.

AMDG

I heart Rumi

2008-08-10T20:05:00.001-04:00

“Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.”

Rumi

6,000,000,000 + Piece Puzzle

2008-07-30T10:43:00.001-04:00

The Kingdom of God is one really big dollar store puzzle, which instead of being made up of corrugated cardboard bits, is made up of humanity and inhumanity. Pieces of beauty that we can not help but stare at and dark pieces that we never care to see again but we have to look at to know that we are alive and flawed. Interconnected and infinite, always building and linking, starting and stopping, flowing from one age to the other without end or reason except to pass the time in search of perfecting what has always been.

Some of us are pieces that stand on the periphery, pieces that from the outside are straight edged, framing the big picture, but just below the surface they are awkwardly shaped, and are as useless without the piece to the east and west. The frame this creates helps the other pieces figure out where the sky and sea start and stop, where the sun sleeps, and the moon rises.

The corner and edge pieces are the ones that are easy to find, and put together. We all have a fairly good idea of what they look like and what purpose for the whole they serve is. Then there are the rest of us, the middle pieces. We are the ones that really don't make any sense whatsoever at first glance, a patch of brown, a random eyeball, a big toe, a blue blob. We just kind of float all over the table gradually finding other pieces that fit. Other pieces that make our purpose in the bigger picture just a little clearer if we are lucky, in most cases make you even more confused than you were when you started; but you stick with the other pieces because you know the longer you hang around the clearer the picture will become.

Then there are the few pieces that get lost over time, the dog eats them, they fall victim to the vacuum cleaner, or they end up down the floor vent. Sometimes they are frantically searched for, and other times they are just left alone to deal with the fates. Granted they are just as important as the corner pieces and maybe more so because without the lost pieces the picture makes sense but it is still spotty without the lost piece. Sometimes the pieces are found easily and the picture really makes sense, and everybody is happy, so on and so forth, we all eat cake and have a grand old time.

Then when we think that the puzzle is getting somewhere, all the pieces are thought to be found, things are hunky dory. Somebody needs the table space and all the puzzle pieces get put back in the box. Then we have to start all over again, building, reconnecting, finding our periphery, and with a 6,000,000,000 plus piece puzzle that is going to take some time.

You can live on it...

2008-07-24T10:27:00.002-04:00

I remember this movie from the 80's called 'Crocodile Dundee'. You know with Paul Hogan, some blond chick, and a dude named Wally. So there is this one part of the movie where Mick Dundee is eating crocodile or snake and the blond chick ask him how he can eat that, to which he replies 'You can live on it but it taste like shit.' Granted it is not the most charming or even the most romantic of sentiments but, it illustrates what it needs to.

Pride, at times can be a good thing, especially when it comes to personal hygiene, picking up after your dog or, various other things that make it easier for the general population to stay down wind from you. In this case I am not knocking a little spritz of pride here or there. What I am talking about pride wise is when you need to ask for H.E.L.P and in most cases it will be freely given but... You are not willing to swallow your pride long enough to even consider asking for H.E.L.P, because you know it taste like shit.

You don't want to necessarily owe anybody anything, because if you go down that slippery slop you will end up with a backbone made of royal icing, Red Vines, and guilt. Plus, you really don't want anybody to give you anything that you have not earned; they worked hard for what they have, granted they may feel guilty and want to help but... you are not sure if they want to help you help you or, if they are just trying to pacify the guilt. Guilt in its own way taste like shit, not the same kind of shit but, shit none the less. Plus, you repeatedly chicken out and turn all yellow bellied, because you just don't ask people for H.E.LP. H.E.L.P is not in your vocabulary, on the menu, or even has listed phone number; it is the dirtiest of the four letter words. It is not something you ask for ever, second helping of okra YES, H.E.L.P No.

Pride is a strange state of mind. Honestly, I think that it in a lot of ways feeds the problems in the world and in our own lives. I know that I am too prideful most of the time; I know that I am afraid that if I compromise my pride then I will lose my autonomy. Pride really does come before the fall, whether it is a fall flat on your ass, your face, or from social graces. Pride is around to laugh at you when you do. I guess the only way to get around taking pride's shit is to have H.E.LP come in and kick the living crap out of it, and to make this scenario some what of a palatable reality I think that I am going to need a lot of tarragon, and the mantra ‘You can live on it but it taste like shit’.

Good Girls Wait...

2008-07-17T13:12:00.004-04:00

So...I am waiting for life. I sit and wait for news. I sit and wait for answers. I sit and wait for information. I sit and wait for buses, pot pies, and the mail. I am not good at waiting, I am like a five year old who regularly freebases on Pixie Sticks. I am all jittery just one gummy bear away from a home video staring myself and Mr. MoJo Rising doing some bad crafts with Modge Podge, back editions of The Ladies Home Journal and a Bead Dazzler.

I really don't like to wait, but again there are a lot of things in this world that I do not like but I deal with for my own good. I don't like folding laundry, city parking, taxes, bigots, sitting still, and physical contact. But, I deal with all the above mentioned items because if I did not I would have wrinkled clothes, parking tickets, jail time, more jail time, exhaustion, and even though I don't like physical contact, sometimes a hug is all you need. It has taken me several years to finally get over my whole physical contact thing, there are things that you can do to avoid it, nod of the head, tip of the hat, or my favorite when somebody goes to give you a hug, you just grab their hand instead.

Waiting though is a different bird all together. You can not avoid it, it is right in front of you, no matter what time killing measures you take it just won't fucking go away. That is the strange thing about waiting, it builds and builds and then it is gone. Waiting by nature is like a really bad one night stand. I am talking like a 10 at 2 one night stand you just want it to go away. Then things get all awkward and waiting wants to take you out to breakfast, you say you have something to do then you politely give waiting a wrong number and a fake name. You put the fact that you are waiting out of your head for a few days then all of the sudden you get a rash. Yes, I said it. Waiting is like a Cosmic VD, it is itchy, embarrassing, your school nurse warned you about it and in your in infant and infinite wisdom you thought that you could just ignore it and it would go away, and now you are out 10 bucks for special shampoo.

Who ever said good girls wait...really needs to reconsider.

Britt
AMDG

The Goodtime Karmic Family Bomb Squad

2008-07-10T20:43:00.008-04:00

Right now, at this very moment I feel like I am sitting on proverbial time bomb; a bomb that could resolve itself in one of three ways. One, it could just run out of time and explode, leaving behind massive amounts of 'stuff' in the wake. Two, the timer could just run forever, be on the Julian Calendar, or better yet be built prior to Y2K and be receiving the necessary updates as needed but, will most certainly have glitches because it runs on a Mircosoft operating system. Or Three, it could just run out of time and drop one of those 'Bang' signs. Then I will have a Ha Ha moment and will disregard the ABC News Special Report and return to my program which is already in progress, and tell God that he or she is one sick bastard. I am hoping for option three, the most irreverent, easiest to deal with and well let’s face it, the one I am most likely to superball from.

But... If it is not the latter, I know that I will be que bueno, because well, I know that I have people. I am not just talking about people that you share cordial niceties with. I am talking about a ‘Karmic Family’ a ‘Bomb Squad for the Heart’ those people in your life that you can share the ugliness of fear with, the ones who will sit and laugh with you for hours and hours about the non-sequiturs of life just to keep you from crying, and when the dark seep in during the quiet they let you just be angry, disappointed, and well blubber till you are ugly, swampy and snotty. They let you hold in what you need to hold in, let out what you need to let out, aiding you in the photosynthesis of your soul.

Tonight as I sit in front of my screen writing this, thinking about what my day has meant, what tomorrow will bring when it comes in the next couple of hours I will just think back to kitchens, shedding dogs, teenagers, dirty jokes, crabs, mixed up drink orders, painters, informercials, and most of all the people in my life who are just like a Visa Card. I will try to be as a person of interest put it today ‘Warm and Natural’ and in the meantime not let too much of the dark seep in.

AMDG

Yesterday I Walked

2008-07-09T09:35:00.002-04:00

I think that one of the most beautiful actions one can do in this world is walk. Especially when the walking is done on a whim, without a map, a need to be anywhere and enough money in your pocket for a cookie and a bottle of water. I walked yesterday, like I had not walked in years.

To me walking aimlessly is like praying without motive, wants or personal motivations. It is just taking what you have inside of you and moving forward, it is time to just shut your brain down long enough to look at everything. Not analyze, pick it apart, but a meditative time to just take in the world exactly how it is in that very step. How the sidewalk has a crack in it, how the noon sun makes the flowers kind of curl up and sleep, and how people move with such a habitual purpose. Like little ants that have forgotten to look, and in forgetting to look at the world they have forgotten the simple beauty that is right here and everywhere in a sense they have forgotten that they are apart of this beauty.

In our quest to get somewhere we have really forgotten what it means to be human. We have forgotten our primal needs, and have replaced them with gadgets and appointments. We have filled our lives with so much of everything. Honestly, I think that we as a whole are emotional and material hoarders we do this just so we don't have take the time to cope with the inevitability that is time its self. Time is humanities only natural enemy, it counts down our births, our deaths, and alas our being forgotten.

I stopped wearing a watch just because I was sick of time, and in my own reality I have all the time that I need and more that one human could ever want. Knowing this still does not bring me comfort because I am human and fear my only natural enemy. The only way that we can over come this 'time' issue is to really go and stroll with the world and do not fear time, because all time is is a band box conductor, it only holds the rhythm, but we call the tune. So go out and feel the world one step at a time with time.

AMDG