Saturday, June 13, 2009

I am moving my blog

You will be able to follow my escapades through that site!


Britt Farbo

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Some Disassembly Required

I am going on a trip. I know that I have been talking, planning, and scheming about it for many months. 'I am going to Norway'...'Jei vil reise til norge'...Has been my mantra for months. Now the time is almost here only 14 more days, one fortnight, two weeks till I leave. I have a few things I still need to do, figure out how to get to New Jersey, say some final good-byes, sell some more things, decide to leave the handball and get a new one when I get there. These are gladly the most pressing issues in my life right now.

I have been slowly disassembling my life whether consciously or unconsciously for the past year. Having things fall away. My partner of four years left, I had to move out of my apartment of three years, sold my car of two, and left my job of one. It is a strange thing to disassemble your life piece by piece, year by year. I have to give major kudos to people who peel back the layers of decades. I am looking forward. I am going on a trip.

All the Hemispheres


Leave the familiar for a while.
Let your senses and bodies stretch out.

Like a welcomed season
Onto the meadows and shores and hills.

Open up to the Roof.
Make a new water-mark on your excitement
And love.

Like a blooming night flower,
Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness
And giving
Upon our intimate assembly.

Change rooms in your mind for a day.

All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside an equator
In your heart.

Greet Yourself
In your thousand other forms
As you mount the hidden tide and travel
Back home.

All the hemispheres in heaven
Are sitting around a fire

While stitching themselves together
Into the Great Circle inside of

Monday, June 8, 2009

It Makes No Difference

I was at the Tune Inn today my favorite dive bar in the world...I put on the jukebox the usual...Some Willie, Waylon, a little Steve, but today something persuaded me to just throw on The Band. I don't know what compelled me to play "It Makes No Difference" . I had not played that song since I had lived in the pool hall, and quite frankly it is a really kind of sad song. The one thing that is funny about bars is you can tell when people are listening, the place hums just a little quieter. People stop their conversations for a few breaths Sitting at the bar flanked by a member of congress and old friend, a new friend who is an old union man, and a few Vietnam Vets. Sipping a Natty Boh, eating okra and and catching the aftertaste of Marlboro 100's coming from the patio. I saw something magical. A group of people heaving a collective sigh, stopping, doing a u-turn and going back for just a split second. To what I am not sure, really it is not my place to pry or press. I can only say my memory went to people, places and loves.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Family Planning

As many of you who read this blog know...Well the two of you who regularly read this blog know...I have not always had the gotten along with my family. It is not that I don't love them, care for them or even worry about them. It is really that I don't like them very much. It is like I guess the Americans and the French. We are both in NATO, have shared interest abroad, we periodically fight wars together, trade goods, and intelligence. But, in reality we would rather just not have to deal with each other on a day to day basis. I guess it comes down to style.

I was home for the first time in four years a few weeks ago. I bit my tongue the entire time. I should not have. In not speaking up I did not only a disservice to everything that I stand for, I did a disservice to my family. Even though my family has know I was a BIG Ol' HOMO since I was fourteen...I spent nearly the entire trip and most of the past decade in sort of a mental 1984 in regards to them. Weighing my words, cutting out large portions of my life, not speaking about my friends because they are gay. I have never had a real conversation about my ex-partner, my friends, or my activism with my family. I have never felt like I was good enough for them. I have always felt like I am an embarrassment to them.

I will be twenty-five in less than a month and it has taken me twenty-two years to come to the conclusion that I will probably never get what I need out of my family. That every action that I choose to take in my life will be seen as some sort of act of subversion. I have also learned that I have to love the family, but this does not mean I must walk lock step with them. That I do not have to feel guilty for challenging them on their prejudices. That I must live my life with radical and uncompromising fervor in the world especially with my family.

I want to have my own family in the near future. I want children, a wife, a mortgage, my own small business. I want everything that is assumed my younger siblings will have at about my age. But, in order to do this I must start being honest and more open with the family that I was raised in. I have to break my own self imposed censorship. I can not fear them anymore. I can not think about starting a family of my own until I can manage the fear of the one that I have.


Monday, May 11, 2009

I head home to Arizona a week from tomorrow. First time in a very long time three and a half years to be exact. I have my reasons for not going back sooner, some of it is life going on, some of it is money, and the big part of it is because... Well I have been afraid to. I am not sure what I am most afraid of, is it that home has not changed at all or that I have changed too much, or the reverse of that.

I miss the Southwest everyday. I am not sure why I miss the west, I guess it is a soul thing. Sometimes when I am in traffic I hear the familiar 'BOOM..BOOM...BOOM' followed by the wail of an accordion, coming from a neighboring car. I don't care how cold it is I will roll down my windows. Growing up it used to drive me nuts 'BOOM...BOOM..BOOM' all the time everywhere you went. The Ranchero men in their white wranglers, silk shirts, and snake skin cockroach killer boots. Whistling at you from the window of their trucks through their gold capped teeth, heads crowned with a cowboy hat that looked like a taco. To the fanfare of 'Boom...Boom...Boom'. What once was one of my biggest peeves is now a quaint reminder of home.

I also miss the smells and the feel of the air. Beans, lard heavy tortillas, dirt, horses, saddle soap, hay, and sweat. I have never run across that combination anywhere else but home. The wind blows nine million miles an hour, almost everyday. It is hot, dry and clear; sound and smell travel far. During onion season, the smell carries from the fields to the cotton gin about seven miles away. At night you can get the faint smell of alfalfa, cotton trash and mesquite. As the desert cools down the air hits this perfect temperature it is warm and soft; like a perfectly drawn bath that is made with still air.

The drop in temperature is the internal cue for any good desert rat to stop and look west. The sky is set a blaze like an O'Keeffe interpretation of Pollack. Aubergine, teal, crimson, shredded by blacks, grays, and white are strewn across the heavens. No rhyme or reason to the madness of colors, yet always as it should be. Chaotic and cosmically necessary, like god sweeping away the mandala of the day that has been created. The stars and moon start to rise as the air gets cooler, and in that moment you know that you are apart of everything, but are nothing in every breath you take.

I am still really scared to go home, but I guess I can not anticipate I can just be. Even if the people and places have changed, even if things get strained and old hurts are brought up at least I know I can get a good burrito and watch the sun go down.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

10 Things I have learned this Spring

10. One acquires a lot of useless crap after living in an apartment for almost three years.

9. Sometimes a little apathy is needed to get the most good done.

8. You can not always 'Fix' people...It is like nailing JELL-O to a hot wall.

7. No big change ever just sneaks up on you...It is a combination of many little changes.

8. Never trust a French Woman!

6. Taking a handball to the face is like getting a little glimpse of nirvana...It knocks all unnecessary thoughts out of your head...Plus once the sting subsides it feels pretty good.

5. Ikke spise gul sno!

4. I am going to need help getting my life either boxed or sold.

3. ABBA wrote some pretty awesome break up songs.

2. Never add your Grandmother as a friend on Facebook.


Monday, April 13, 2009


'I am sorry the number you have been trying to reach has been disconnected or is no longer in service.'

I leave for Norway in 53 days. Body is here...Brain is not!